Nowadays (and probably ever since I've been a parent really) New Years Eve is not a night when I drink very much. In the last few years as the kids have got older it's become a real family affair, we dance to the birdie song, play that game when you stick famous people's names on your head and always, always have a limbo competition. At some point around 11pm I remember to get a drink and it's usually still sitting there when it's time to ring in the New Year. All that sounds very wholesome and family orientated and it is but it's not entirely representative of my general relationship with alcohol and in particular wine.
Somewhere in my 30's I stopped bothering with most other alcoholic drinks, they were all just too sweet and I'm definitely a dry white sort of girl - reds are OK now and again but that's pretty much it. I wasn't always so discerning and I realised over this four to five weeks just how young I was when I started drinking (albeit very moderately.)
Maybe because I was an only child and like a lot of only children I was often treated as a fellow adult in certain situations. If we were having a roast and a bottle of Asti for a special occasion (ah Asti :) I'd get poured a glass with my parents, nothing more than that, but I was always included and this was from as young as 8yrs old. I remember while being a bridesmaid at a rather posh wedding when I was 9 being given a glass of sherry while I stood in the receiving line. I don't know if someone gave the waitress the nod, or if I just took the glass, but it seems rather odd to me now being a parent myself, I don't think I'd be too pleased if Alex was given alcohol at a wedding. As an elderly couple filed past the lady commented to me 'careful drinking that, it's not lemonade!' I smiled wryly and thought to myself 'I think I know how to drink a sherry thanks.'
I think my parent's view was that alcohol was not taboo and my being involved in celebratory drinks would probably prevent alcohol being viewed as something of a holy grail when I became a teenager and to a large extent that was true. Neither of my parents were very bothered about alcohol anyway, they enjoyed the odd drink but wouldn't have cared if they could never have an alcoholic drink again. So while it didn't turn me into a binge drinking teenager, alcohol was familiar and in later life it definitely became my vice.
I'd love to say that wine was just something I enjoy, but in reality I tend to drink to try and change my mood or less worryingly I use it for a reward...finished that essay - open the vino! Lovely night in with a film... and a bottle of wine. I'm less bothered about the reward thing, I think that's OK but I dislike the way that wine is something I turn to when I've had a horrible day. If I'm feeling hurt or miserable it's all too easy to deaden those feelings with a bottle of wine and it's such a short term solution. I don't really suffer from hangovers these days as I tend to always stick to the same drink and I guess my body is well used to it, but you can guarantee in the morning I am not going to feel better for drinking that bottle of 'Blossom Hill.'
So giving up alcohol for a month seemed a good idea. I was quite surprised when I googled around that Dry January was mostly met with a ton of hostility. Newspapers running articles on how it 'wasn't healthy' why 'you shouldn't bother' how you're a complete pain in the arse for even considering it. I was quite surprised, but not put off! It reminded a bit of how people often seem to feel about vegetarianism ...you must be a terribly tiresome person always banging on about what you do and don't eat...erm nope... just you i can hear complaining and asking incredulously 'Just WHAT does a veggie have for Christmas dinner??' I've been listening to that one for the last 25 yrs, this year I had Quesadillas. But I digress!
At first the Christmas excess did get me through I think, particularly in the first week. But by week two I began to feel a little twitchy, especially on the weekend. There were plenty of ideas for all sorts of non alcoholic drinks you could use as a substitute but I didn't fancy that and stayed with cups of tea (dear God imagine giving up tea for a month).
Of course I've given up alcohol before, three times for 9 plus months so I knew this wasn't really going to be a problem but I did find that the most difficult times were when I did have a bad day. The lure of the Pinot Grigio was strong. It sang to me in Tescos and ridiculed me from the garage, but in a really sickening move to be EVEN MORE self reflective I recognised how and why I was feeling like I was and put the kettle on - bleeuugh I know.
Towards the end of the month I got a ill and I wouldn't have been drinking anything anyway, I guess that probably helped in a way but I've still been looking forward to a glass of wine tomorrow. I can't say I've felt any healthier, anyway the moany evidence suggests that it takes around 3mths for a proper liver detox and this month was probably not a great one to provide a reliable control anyway. I wouldn't say it's made any great physical changes at all (lots of promises of great looking skin etc), however it has made me think, it has made me take stock of my habits and that's what's important.
So from tomorrow I would like to drink a little more conservatively but take more pleasure in my glasses of wine. I don't want to be heading off to the garage because I want to drown out some feeling of self-doubt or whatever else has cropped up, instead I want to savour a couple of nice glasses of more expensive wine when I'm feeling happy! I'd like to learn a little more about wine generally and enjoy it for what it is, a simple pleasure and not a short -term solution. Chin chin XX
