Mum does burlesque.

October was a nice quiet month for me burlesque wise. I had to turn a couple of gigs down unfortunately and a show for Halloween was cancelled but what with swine flu, mum being in hospital and a couple of my kids birthdays thrown in for good measure it was good to have the time off.

So instead (as well of course as diligently working on my new acts *coughs*) I interviewed my kids about what it's like to have a mum who is a burlesque performer. It's a subject that comes up on burlesque forums fairly often and there are a fair few of us out there with children. Personally I've never considered hiding burlesque performing from...well anyone really and certainly not my kids. If people ask what my children or family think of my performing I usually answer that they are supportive and proud but I thought maybe it was time that I asked them directly.


Here are the results.... I doubt very much that I will still be performing when they are teenagers but I've a feeling I may receive a different set of answers if I repeated this interview in 5 yrs time.

Interviews with Jacob (9 nearly 10 yrs) Holly (8yrs) Alex (5yrs)

What's it like to have a mum who is a burlesque performer?


Jacob - It's fun to watch at home when she's practicing. Most of the time when she's doing routines she's out at a show so we don't get to see.

Holly - I like it because she lets me watch her acts, it's cool.

Alex - I feel a bit sad when you go somewhere without me.


Do you tell other people you know what your mum does?

Yes.

I've told my best friend and my teacher and that's it.

No.


Are you embarrassed if your mates at school know?

No because I don't care what they think about my family and I know my mum's lovely. (Clearly angling for those pokemon cards here.)

No, not at all.

No.


What is your favourite routine?


Caterpillar.

Happiest Christmas Tree.

Viking (Valhalla)


Why?

Cos it's funny and I like the way she's trying to get the butterfly to like her and she keeps failing and then in the end she says tough I'm going out with the snail now.

because I like the song and the dance and I like it when you give out chocolate. I like the outfit too.

because at the end she uses the shield to 'shield' everyone.


What don't you like about having a mum who does burlesque?

When we're playing and she's practicing she makes us take all our stuff out of the lounge into the hall which is too narrow to play in. (You have a bedroom.....)

I don't like not being able to go to the shows and see you when you are doing it in front of people.

Some of the dances are too scary. I get scared of some of the viking music and the axe.


Would you like to go to a burlesque show when you are older?

Yes because I haven't seen one yet and I want to see what it's like.


Yes because I would like to watch people doing their stuff. I like bloomers, some people wear bloomers.

No because I'd get too tired, it's a long night.


What is burlesque?

It's people on stage that do this performance and it's supposed to be something that's funny for adults.

Thanks kids, now get back up that chimney!

September Burlesque Diaries.

September has been a busy month for the Swoons and the Swoon bus. Poor old Swoon bus, we had to fork out seven hundred quid on it last month at the MOT but it’s holding up well. When it’s not ploughing into ‘fields of barley’ or running over badgers the Swoon bus enjoys travelling hundreds of miles taking me to various wonderful burlesque gigs across the country. First stop this month was Darkteaser’s Dark Side at The Victoria Biker’s Pub Coalville Leicestershire.

This was a challenging gig for me; I haven’t performed for six weeks which is the longest break I’ve had since starting burlesque nearly a year and a half ago. August was a quiet month and I was away on holiday but I was also battling with a massive bout of depression and most of August is a complete blur. By September I was ready and excited to leap back into back the saddle and looking forward to this show. It was also especially exciting because we didn’t know exactly who was going to be performing until we all turned up at the venue!

As soon as I got out of the car at the pub I spotted the lovely Nicole A Lure, burlesque performer and Hourglass photographer, absolutely lovely to see her again. We’d performed together at The Slippery Belle Leeds a couple of months before but we hoped this time we might catch each others acts! Also performing were comedian Al Grant from Derby, Angel LaVey who I hadn’t yet had the chance to see perform and Darkteaser herself. The compere for the evening was the fantastic Tobi James.

I had a lovely time performing, the crowd were loud (always good) and friendly. I scraped up my knees beautifully crawling across the stage with my rubber chicken planted firmly between my teeth during ‘Valhalla’ and my legs still held up for the high kicks during ‘Trumpet Player’. It was great to catch some of the performances. Al was delightfully crude, Nicole’s singing was amazing as always and I loved Darkteasers ‘I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts’ fan dance! Robin Lowe and James Thorpe took some amazing photos of the evening and Tobi held the whole show together beautifully.

Two days later it was time to embark on our journey to The Glitter Room at The Black Sheep Bar Croydon. Mr Swoon installed the new Sat Nav; Croydon’s one way system was not going to beat us. If we can navigate Soho we can navigate Croydon. Nuvi (you’ve got to give your Sat Nav a name) was true to her word and we arrived after about 4hrs and parked easily in a side street around the corner from the venue for two quid – excellent.

It was a pleasure to perform at The Glitter Room. DJ Suave runs a tight ship and there was a great atmosphere backstage. Miss Doxy Moron did a great job taking care of all the performers and there was even a buffet provided too! I managed to catch quite a few performances and they were all fantastic. Compere Tempest Rose had me in stitches with her Camden Council routine and I also loved Daisy and Doris’s Cary Grant act which was hilarious.

Backstage I caught up with Audacity Chutzpah and Lolo Love who I’d last met at the Valentine’s Varie Tease back in February, Ruby Fortune who I’d had the pleasure of performing with at BABC at The Book Club Boutique in July and Bea D’vile who I saw last when we were both shivering with fear waiting to perform at the LBF back in April.

After the show it was back to the trusty Swoon bus for the long haul back to Leeds. Nuvi who had been so reliable on the outward journey this time decided to take us on a magical mystery tour on the way home. I don’t know a great deal about ‘driving’ (although you’ll be pleased to hear I do hold a valid driver’s licence fact fans) but Mr. Swoon explained something about one way systems and had faith as we drove around and around London village.

‘RECALCULATING’

Eventually she directed us back to the trusty A1 and we even managed to find a twenty four hour service station open on a Sunday night. I do love a brightly lit service station aftermidnight. We rolled in back home at around 3.30am, our mood rather dampened after running over a badger that had darted out at us on a country lane – horrible. We were up bright and early at8am for the kids first day back at school and my youngest Alex’s first ever school day. He looked very smart and very little in his school trousers that kept falling down. He settled in great and at9.05am I settled in great back under my duvet with no problem at all.

The following Saturday we were off to The Candy Shack Burlesque at Oliver’s Bar Aston under Lyne. I first performed at Candy Shack in July of last year at their first ever burlesque night so it was great to go back and see everyone again. Joan and Jas are passionate about their night and even provided the performers with a V.I.P area to watch the show. Resident performers Suzie Sequin and Dani California were fabulous as ever, I got to meet Lucy Lippstikk who I’ve not seen perform before and had the pleasure of driving home fellow Leeds burlesquer Nelly Plum home. She brought chocolate éclairs for the journey and we ate them.

All in all a busy September so far.

Back in October with another round up.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang xxx

Autumn 2008: I reply to a shout out from the delectable Wet Spot proprietor and burlesque performer Ryvita Von Cheese on MySpace. She’s looking for local burlesque performers to work with actress Kitty McGeever on her upcoming charity stage show at The Carriageworks Theatre Leeds for Macmillan Cancer Care.

‘Hey Ms Cheese, are you looking for nubile young lovelies for this show or will clapped - out old mums do?’

‘Shut yer face you old sauce pot, you’d be perfect.’ She retorts.

I’m in and it gets better! Calender local news want to film some of the rehearsals at the now dearly departed Yorkshire Television Studios.

Oh the glamour!

We meet RADA trained actress Kitty McGeever at YTV a few days later. Kitty explains some of her ideas for her show ‘Luvvie’s Blind’ while her friendly guide dog snuffles around the table looking for cream cakes to pinch. Oh yes, I neglected to mention Kitty is also completely blind – the show is a humorous take on Kitty’s own experiences of blindness including sketches and songs. The proceeds from the show are to go to Macmillan after Kitty helped to support her sister, script writer Caroline Mitchell with her own battle with breast cancer.

We (that’s me, ‘Vita, Ruby Buttons and Bam Bam Blue from The Boneshakers and Lexi Sexx and Lily Von Lush from rival Leeds Burlesque troupe The Dagger Dames) rush off to change into our assorted corsets/bras/stockings and suspenders. We are filmed shimmying about a bit behind Kitty as she wows the cameraman dancing with her white stick in a most unusual manner to the strains of ‘Hey Big Spender.’

The six of us appear on Calender’s teatime edition the following evening after Kitty’s studio interview. My dad phones to congratulate me on my five seconds of fame. He must have been so proud seeing his half-naked daughter jiggling away on telly whilst eating his shepherd’s pie.

Rehearsals for the show continue on a weekly basis and Ryvita and I somehow find ourselves in a short comedy burlesque routine that we choreograph between the three of us. Kitty dancing with her white cane, ‘Vita and I with our top hats and canes. We practice a lot. None of us are us are used to performing in a troupe and when one of your troupe members is completely blind you’d better get your timing spot on.

Over the coming weeks I’m lucky enough to meet some fantastic people and watch them at work. Unsurprisingly ‘Luvvie’s Blind’ is a resounding success. Our small segment goes without a hitch and we’re relieved that we did a good job for Kitty and our pasties didn’t fly off in front of half of the cast of Emmerdale who are in the audience. From the wings we hear the roar of applause that greets the finale and I notice Kitty’s sister Caroline shed a tear and go off to compose herself behind the scenes. It had been a long journey for Kitty and Caroline and one that Macmillan had helped to make possible.

Kitty McGeever now plays Lizzie Lakely on ITV’s Emmerdale!

LBF Article for 21st Century Pinups.

Waiting at Leeds train station for the 11.40am to Kings Cross and I’m getting a little nervous. I’ve finished my latte and I’m ready with my elbows to get to the luggage rack first with my massive suitcase crammed with burlesque un necessaries and my four by four foot portfolio case. The train pulls in and we all make a run for it. I’m in!

Luggage successfully stashed away and I’m in my seat. Now relax.

I even chat with the nice old lady sitting next to me about her holiday and the chip sandwich her and her husband are going to have when they get home to Peterborough.

‘Where are you off to?’ she questions. ‘London’ I smile.
‘Shopping?’
‘The London Burlesque Festival’
‘That’s nice’ she nods.

It’s so much warmer in London when I get out of the station - and me, a hardy northerner in my winter coat! I pass the Scala where the ‘Battle Royale’ is to take place while searching for my hotel ,and notice that tonight is sold out. I fall upon what I suspect is my Travelodge and wheel my trolley up to the counter, smiling, and attempt to check in. There is no reservation for Emma Hughes. I am in the wrong hotel. We all laugh; well I laugh - the woman on the desk stares back at me as if I’m trying to sell her a timeshare. I trundle off. Fifteen minutes later I’m checked into the right hotel, in the shower and gearing myself up for the evening ahead. On the way to Scala I bump into Miss Glory Pearl, struggling with her own suitcase and collapsible pole. And I thought I had a lot of luggage to deal with! Inside, I’m directed upstairs, checked in and given a wristband. The large third floor bar is already filled with burlesque performers doing their hair, photographers snapping and organizers organizing.
I grab my spot and begin to unpack, chatting to Miss Glory Pearl who has also made it up the stairs, and Miss Fever Dream who I discover are to open and close the show respectively. My group, the U.K Solo performers are going on first, and then we can relax and watch the rest of the show. I focus on that as I build my lamp stand with all the electricals taken out that doubles as a burlesque prop. It’s got a bit broken on the journey; pray it won’t topple over mid act and try and steady the base with some blu tac.
Our group is called and we make our way to the side stage dressing room to wait. I bump into Equador the Wizard, who I first met at the Varie Tease in Feb, and get my Wings of Isis a bit caught up in a rotary fan. The comperes, Mat Fraser and Lady Alex, do a fantastic job introducing the acts and keeping us calm in the dressing room. We are not able to see the other performers but the audience response is great, and soon there’s only me left. I hear Mat’s introduction:

‘It’s Friday and she’s in love – Jubilee Swoon!’

I’m on the stage. I’ve done this routine four or five times before and it feels as though it’s going OK. I can’t see past the cameras in the first few rows; I’ve one friend out there in the audience somewhere and I wonder how it’s looking to him.

I’m swooshing my Wings of Isis and tasseling and my pasties don’t fly off. Then I’m doing something X rated with a stuffed snail and I’m finished! My heart’s beating and my mouth is dry with the adrenaline, but it went well enough. Now I can change into civilian clothes, enjoy a lil’ drinky and watch the rest of the show.

The troupe section is fantastic. Looking over the balcony I can see just how rammed with people the audience is. I later heard that at its busiest there were a thousand people watching. The London Solos blows me away too, including Kiki Ka Boom, who later won the section. At around 1am, it’s time to announce the winners. A gaggle of us wait side stage while the names for our section are called. Miss Glory Pearl wins third place, Bella De Jac second. ‘What can that mean?’ the lovely Sean Mooney points out to me backstage.
Gulp.
Out I go, delighted to win first place in the U.K Solo Section. I later celebrate by smashing my face into a hotel lamp and giving myself a black eye - and I wasn’t even drunk. I don’t mind though and fall asleep with a silly smile on my face, happy to have been part of such a fabulous event…