Autumn 2008: I reply to a shout out from the delectable Wet Spot proprietor and burlesque performer Ryvita Von Cheese on MySpace. She’s looking for local burlesque performers to work with actress Kitty McGeever on her upcoming charity stage show at The Carriageworks Theatre Leeds for Macmillan Cancer Care.

‘Hey Ms Cheese, are you looking for nubile young lovelies for this show or will clapped - out old mums do?’

‘Shut yer face you old sauce pot, you’d be perfect.’ She retorts.

I’m in and it gets better! Calender local news want to film some of the rehearsals at the now dearly departed Yorkshire Television Studios.

Oh the glamour!

We meet RADA trained actress Kitty McGeever at YTV a few days later. Kitty explains some of her ideas for her show ‘Luvvie’s Blind’ while her friendly guide dog snuffles around the table looking for cream cakes to pinch. Oh yes, I neglected to mention Kitty is also completely blind – the show is a humorous take on Kitty’s own experiences of blindness including sketches and songs. The proceeds from the show are to go to Macmillan after Kitty helped to support her sister, script writer Caroline Mitchell with her own battle with breast cancer.

We (that’s me, ‘Vita, Ruby Buttons and Bam Bam Blue from The Boneshakers and Lexi Sexx and Lily Von Lush from rival Leeds Burlesque troupe The Dagger Dames) rush off to change into our assorted corsets/bras/stockings and suspenders. We are filmed shimmying about a bit behind Kitty as she wows the cameraman dancing with her white stick in a most unusual manner to the strains of ‘Hey Big Spender.’

The six of us appear on Calender’s teatime edition the following evening after Kitty’s studio interview. My dad phones to congratulate me on my five seconds of fame. He must have been so proud seeing his half-naked daughter jiggling away on telly whilst eating his shepherd’s pie.

Rehearsals for the show continue on a weekly basis and Ryvita and I somehow find ourselves in a short comedy burlesque routine that we choreograph between the three of us. Kitty dancing with her white cane, ‘Vita and I with our top hats and canes. We practice a lot. None of us are us are used to performing in a troupe and when one of your troupe members is completely blind you’d better get your timing spot on.

Over the coming weeks I’m lucky enough to meet some fantastic people and watch them at work. Unsurprisingly ‘Luvvie’s Blind’ is a resounding success. Our small segment goes without a hitch and we’re relieved that we did a good job for Kitty and our pasties didn’t fly off in front of half of the cast of Emmerdale who are in the audience. From the wings we hear the roar of applause that greets the finale and I notice Kitty’s sister Caroline shed a tear and go off to compose herself behind the scenes. It had been a long journey for Kitty and Caroline and one that Macmillan had helped to make possible.

Kitty McGeever now plays Lizzie Lakely on ITV’s Emmerdale!

LBF Article for 21st Century Pinups.

Waiting at Leeds train station for the 11.40am to Kings Cross and I’m getting a little nervous. I’ve finished my latte and I’m ready with my elbows to get to the luggage rack first with my massive suitcase crammed with burlesque un necessaries and my four by four foot portfolio case. The train pulls in and we all make a run for it. I’m in!

Luggage successfully stashed away and I’m in my seat. Now relax.

I even chat with the nice old lady sitting next to me about her holiday and the chip sandwich her and her husband are going to have when they get home to Peterborough.

‘Where are you off to?’ she questions. ‘London’ I smile.
‘Shopping?’
‘The London Burlesque Festival’
‘That’s nice’ she nods.

It’s so much warmer in London when I get out of the station - and me, a hardy northerner in my winter coat! I pass the Scala where the ‘Battle Royale’ is to take place while searching for my hotel ,and notice that tonight is sold out. I fall upon what I suspect is my Travelodge and wheel my trolley up to the counter, smiling, and attempt to check in. There is no reservation for Emma Hughes. I am in the wrong hotel. We all laugh; well I laugh - the woman on the desk stares back at me as if I’m trying to sell her a timeshare. I trundle off. Fifteen minutes later I’m checked into the right hotel, in the shower and gearing myself up for the evening ahead. On the way to Scala I bump into Miss Glory Pearl, struggling with her own suitcase and collapsible pole. And I thought I had a lot of luggage to deal with! Inside, I’m directed upstairs, checked in and given a wristband. The large third floor bar is already filled with burlesque performers doing their hair, photographers snapping and organizers organizing.
I grab my spot and begin to unpack, chatting to Miss Glory Pearl who has also made it up the stairs, and Miss Fever Dream who I discover are to open and close the show respectively. My group, the U.K Solo performers are going on first, and then we can relax and watch the rest of the show. I focus on that as I build my lamp stand with all the electricals taken out that doubles as a burlesque prop. It’s got a bit broken on the journey; pray it won’t topple over mid act and try and steady the base with some blu tac.
Our group is called and we make our way to the side stage dressing room to wait. I bump into Equador the Wizard, who I first met at the Varie Tease in Feb, and get my Wings of Isis a bit caught up in a rotary fan. The comperes, Mat Fraser and Lady Alex, do a fantastic job introducing the acts and keeping us calm in the dressing room. We are not able to see the other performers but the audience response is great, and soon there’s only me left. I hear Mat’s introduction:

‘It’s Friday and she’s in love – Jubilee Swoon!’

I’m on the stage. I’ve done this routine four or five times before and it feels as though it’s going OK. I can’t see past the cameras in the first few rows; I’ve one friend out there in the audience somewhere and I wonder how it’s looking to him.

I’m swooshing my Wings of Isis and tasseling and my pasties don’t fly off. Then I’m doing something X rated with a stuffed snail and I’m finished! My heart’s beating and my mouth is dry with the adrenaline, but it went well enough. Now I can change into civilian clothes, enjoy a lil’ drinky and watch the rest of the show.

The troupe section is fantastic. Looking over the balcony I can see just how rammed with people the audience is. I later heard that at its busiest there were a thousand people watching. The London Solos blows me away too, including Kiki Ka Boom, who later won the section. At around 1am, it’s time to announce the winners. A gaggle of us wait side stage while the names for our section are called. Miss Glory Pearl wins third place, Bella De Jac second. ‘What can that mean?’ the lovely Sean Mooney points out to me backstage.
Gulp.
Out I go, delighted to win first place in the U.K Solo Section. I later celebrate by smashing my face into a hotel lamp and giving myself a black eye - and I wasn’t even drunk. I don’t mind though and fall asleep with a silly smile on my face, happy to have been part of such a fabulous event…